"Always be ready to give someone else a reason for your hope." This was the line fed to me many times over the years, as I continued being involved in the ministry field. As I sat and worked on paperwork at my internship this afternoon, this line popped back into my head again, and I decided I needed to share the reasoning behind my hope and the source of my hardwork and perseverance through all that life has thrown at me lately. So...below is my personal testimony. Please read and enjoy, and feel free to share some of your own stories and experiences as well.
Who am I? I’m a woman of God, a sister, a daughter, a friend. I’m a singer and actress, runner, and a lover of the outdoors. I’m a simple person and enjoy making a difference in the lives of others. I like making people smile. Most importantly, I’m a Christian-Catholic. While I have no radical story or conversion experience to show how I fell in love with my faith, there have still been many small steps taken along the way that have helped my transformation.
I was born into a good Catholic family. My parents always made sure that my brother, sister, and I went to church, on every Sunday and holy day. I loved going to Mass, even as a young child. When we used to attend Mass on Saturday nights, my mom would use Mass as bargaining tool with me, saying that if I didn’t take my nap in the afternoon, I couldn’t go to Mass in the evening. Apparently, after this threat, I would be asleep in only a matter of minutes.
Patterns similar to this one continued for many years. While my family still attended Mass on a regular basis, it began losing meaning for me. I was coming into my early teenage years, and I began to simply “go through the motions” as I attended Mass each weekend and holy day. I didn’t fully understand the great mystery of Mass, and why it was so important for us to celebrate it. It wasn’t really until my 6th grade year when I realized that I really had to make my faith become my own, and begin seeking the truth behind all the motions I had been going through. I could no longer live just off of what my family had fed me. As I knelt and prayed in the presence of Jesus in the Holy Sacrament, during adoration and benediction at a Lenten retreat I was on, I began to really take Jesus for myself, and accept Him into my heart. It was at this point that the first was lit, and my real faith journey began.
As I continued through my adolescence and my middle and high school years, my opportunities to grow in my faith were endless. I took many of them, and began growing to really know and love my Catholic faith. I began cantoring and being an altar server for Mass at my church, joined the Teen Ministry Team at NET Ministries, did a lot of volunteering / service work through my church and community, attended many religious retreats and camps, and even served as a Young Apostle at “Steubenville North” in the summer of 2004 and as a Young Apostle College Leader at “Steubenville of the Rockies” in the summer of 2006.
Through these things I really began to realize the importance of a strong personal relationship with Jesus, the importance of a daily prayer life, and how important it is to lead by example and spread God’s love to the world. I was often times happier with myself, and was able to get along better with my family and friends. With my love of my Catholic faith still growing, I felt as if I were really living for something important. While thing were definitely looking up for me, I still continued to struggle and fail in small ways daily….as all human beings do.
As I have grown older, I still participate in many of the activities I mentioned before. However, as I am now an adult out on my own, it as become far easier to let the diligence in faith I once had slip away. I still attend Mass on a regular basis, sing and cantor for a few different parishes, help lead retreats, and love my Catholic faith very much, but as my life has grown more hectic and has been filled with more crazy elements, I have definitely at times lost some of my fire. I often notice myself becoming so caught up in details and struggles of my daily life that I forget to pause and reflect on all of the beautiful gifts that God has given me. Through times of trial and tribulation, I often struggle too much with my own thoughts, feelings, and desires, and have forget to rely totally and completely on God and His never ending compassion, love, grace, and forgiveness.
I realize now, with the love of my Catholic faith still present, but some of the fire gone at times, I need to never stop striving to strengthen my faith and live in God’s love. I need to live for Jesus Christ in my daily life, and need to be a good example of Him to others through my words and actions. Even in desperate times, I need to pause and recognize God’s goodness. As the old saying goes, I need to “walk the walk” and not just “talk the talk.” I realize that without a strong foundation, filled with God’s love and a strong relationship with Him, my life is utterly meaningless. God is everything…faith, hope, love…you name it. Only in God can we call be truly happy.
I’d like to share a quote with you, that I feel really outlines many of the struggles we that we all go through nearly every day. Take a moment to listen, and let it really sink it. It says, “Sometimes it seems like God is hard to find and is impossibly far away. We get so caught up in our small daily duties and irritations that they become the only things we focus on. What we forget is that God’s love and beauty are all around us, every day, if only we would take the time to look up and see them.”
(ad lib) – My “God moment” – stressed about my prayer service for the FYRE retreat –
“God is not a mean daddy. He’s not the kind of daddy that, after you show him a drawing that you’ve worked really hard on says, I’m sorry honey…but the shading’s all wrong.”
In closing, I really want to encourage you all to take step back and look at your faith life. Don’t be afraid to become vulnerable and to let God speak to your heart. Allow Him to come in and change your life. See him in the beauty of creation and in all of life’s simple pleasures. Surround yourself with those who will love and support you every step of the way. This is one of the things that has made the biggest difference for me. Many of my friends, ranging from those I met in elementary school all the way up to graduate school and beyond, have already made a bigger impact on my life than they’ll ever know. Cherish these kind of relationships with others, but also allow God to be the center. Don’t be afraid. Be strong, be bold, and be brave, because only good things can come from the marvelous works of our loving God.
